| *I wanna hold you high and steal your pain away* |
[entries|friends|calendar] |
|
|
[19 Nov 2004|11:26pm] |
| [ |
music |
| |
my chemical romance ~ im not okay |
] |
ok, im done with this journal. so feel free to take it off your friends list. if anyone still wants to be added to my new journal just comment in this post and i'll add you, otherwise, goodbye!! :D
|
|
|
[11 Nov 2004|09:23pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 contemplative |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
HIM ~ buried alive by love |
] |
i think im going to delete this lj. nobody really reads it anymore anyways, except for my boyfriend. i have another one, if anyone cares to want the link. so, i suppose i will be deleting it soon. oh well
|
|
|
[07 Nov 2004|11:24pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 content |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Home grown ~ i love you, not |
] |
Viva la bam is the freaking greatest show ive ever seen.
and my boyfriend is the most awesome perfect boy ever.
|
|
| Nobodys perfect and i stand accused, for lack of a better word, and thats my best excuse |
[01 Nov 2004|11:10am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 drained |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Green day ~ jesus of suburbia |
] |
Your Boobies' Names Are: Siegfried and Roy
|
yaaaaay, im glad my boobs now have names. i wonder which one is which.
i had to work last night for halloween :( so i didnt get to go out and dress up like i had wanted, made me sad. and work, of course, was horrible, i was basically all alone in the stupid deli all night long, because the shift runner last night, was a fucking 19 year old girl on a fucking power trip, who felt the need to do NOTHING! AHHH, hate her!
i saw 'SAW' this weekend. cool movie, reaaaallly different ending, i was not expecting it at all. crazy.
im having a bad day, i think i need to go get a tattoo or a piercing, i will feel better then.
i got a ticket for $105 last night. well, no, its in adams name, because he was driving my car, but its my fault, so its my ticket. its because my stupid registration is expired and has been for about a month now, and thats the 2nd time i was stopped my a cop for that, so i think i might get that fixed now.
bleh, my wrist hurts so much, i have a bruise on it from adam, sorta. i punched him and his knee was up, and i missed and slammed my wrist against his knee. grrr, i blaime him though.
|
|
| even though you're next to me, i still feel so alone |
[13 Oct 2004|11:40am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 gloomy |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Yellowcard ~ breathing |
] |
<3Adam is possibly going to college *5* or more hours away....i went to this college reception thing with him and his parents last night for a college he's thinking of going to...the college seemed kinda cool, but it upset me to sit there and hear all these things for a place he could go to next year, 5 fucking hours away, what the fuck is that. people shouldnt be allowed to go more than an hour away from where they live, that should be the law. that would be the best damn law ever!! so it was definately disapointing, i mean, i cant picture going far away, i dont know why, but i dont want to, i kinda want the security of knowing i can go home to my mommy and my nana if something bad happens. i want to live on campus and stuff, but im probably not going to go more than *2* hours away, thats far enough away to know i wont run into my parents if im out drunk, but close enough that i could drive home and give my mommy a kiss goodnight. im such a baby. listening to adam and his parents talk last night about school made me feel like my life is unfullfilling. like they talked about things that theyve done with his school already and shit he wanted to do and all this church stuff or whatever, and i was all like, oh, why have i never done anything like those things, why was i never involved with stuff. kinda made me wanna go back in time and start everything over again differently, and never make some of the choices i made. i feel like an idiot for not being in school right now, im just going to end up getting my GED or taking my diploma test, and thats it, i dont get a graduation, i dont get my prom -- not that i even wanted to go, but i think if i had one, i wouldve sucked it up and went, i dont get a sr. class trip, i dont get to talk about the stupid things i do in school, or complain about it, or be around my cute little friends who i reeeeeaaaallllly reeeeeeaaaaaaallly miss :*(
5 FUCKING HOURS AWAY!!!!!!!!!! WHY??!?!?!?! See, thats whats always fucked up, i find a guy i totally think the world of and that i absolutely love, and he wants to go to school 5 freaking hours away, we wont even be in the same state....fucking sucks.
|
|
|
[07 Oct 2004|11:00am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
good |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
simple plan ~ welcome to my life |
] |
I love my boyfriend! :) He's so sweet. He came into Wawa last night while i was working and i ended up getting mad at him, so he came by when i was done work and gave me little pink carnations. it was cute of him, but i feel bad bc i was mean about it at 1st and didnt want the flowers bc i was mad at him :( it was still sweet tho. he rocks.
I got the new good charlotte cd on tuesday, its really different, but i reeeeaalllly like it :)
yaaaaaaaaaay, im going to see Yellowcard on Nov. 9th at the electric factory, woo freakin hoo.
|
|
|
[29 Sep 2004|11:51am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
amused |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
me 1st and the gimme gimmes ~ i believe i can fly |
] |
I woke up all alone this morning to find some strange man in my driveway....and he hasnt left since, ha, bastard. not exactly the way i was expecting to wake up, but oh well. he's throwing off my whole day by being here too, i have to leave, but i dont want to go outside while he's there, ha, what would i say 'well hello sir, any reason why you're chillen in my driveway' maybe he just doesnt have a driveway of his own to hang out in. and i wouldnt want to deprive him of that.
i love it when people are extra nice and friendly, they make my entire day. I had a bunch of super sweet customers yesterday at work, and it totally brightened my mood, i heart nice people. they are my heroes. I went in yesterday at 4, and my very *1ST* customer was such a doll, he was some guy, in his early 20s, and i knew id seen him before, atleast once or twice, but i didnt know if he was a regular or not, and he comes up to me and was like, 'did u change your hair??' and i was like, 'why yes!' and he was all like, 'i like it, it looks cool, it looks really nice' and i was like, awwww, what a perfect man, i thought it was so cute and sweet that he remembered me and knew i had darker hair. he made my entire night. then some older lady came in and told me my eyes were pretty, haha, i wanted to kiss her for saying that.
|
|
| i could be an accident, but im still trying |
[26 Sep 2004|02:24am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 stressed |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
crossfade ~ cold |
] |
:( im so upset right now, im so friggen emotional right now. grrr. hate that. i got off the phone with <3adam around midnight or a little earlier, so i really shouldnt be all that upset, i got to talk to my cute sweet boyfriend, so why in the freakin world am i upset. grrrr. and i cant exactly pin point what it was that made me sad/upset....there are many possibilities, but i dont think any of them are it.....grrr..... all i really want right now, is to be someone else. someone completely different. just for a little while, so i could escape my own thoughts for a little while and not worry about the same bullshit i constantly think about. to be someone else and have someone elses thoughts. just kind of a little break from me, ha, if that was only possible. Yellowcard and the starting line are coming to philly in november, i really wanna go to their show. Yellowcard was sooooo good at warped tour and i absolutely love the starting line :) AHHHH!! and plain white t's are coming to philly on October 6th and i want to go to their show reeeeaaaaalllly badly, bc i love them and tickets are only $10, yaaay, a show i could afford, ha.
( what i really meant to say, is im sorry for the way i am, i never meant to be so cold )
|
|
|
[22 Sep 2004|02:58pm] |
| [ |
music |
| |
plain white t's ~ shine |
] |
i hate being a girl. nothing fun or good comes out of being a girl, it just all SUCKS! grr... i dyed my hair blonde, i really hate it. it doesnt really look right...i dunno, i guess im just not used to it, its kinda 2 different colors tho, which makes me angry, its lighter on top, and darker on the bottom, but it mostly blends together. its too blonde tho, i went to some stupid professional to get it done, and she messed it up, grrrrrrr, messed it up at $112 a pop. bitch.
i wish i was good at something, i hate how all these other people are all good at a certain thing, like drawing, or singing, or making people laugh, i am so jealous. i want to have something about me that im good at that everyone knows me for.
apparantly im bipolar. my counselor person thing told my mom that i am, and some other counselor my mom goes to, that i have met twice insists i am too, which i think is bullshit. nobody who has met me a total of 2 freakin times can pin point me as something like that, fuck them .
|
|
|
[01 Sep 2004|11:32am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
happy |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Breaking Benjamin ~ so cold |
] |
"If there is one person you can't stop thinking about, post this same exact sentence in your journal."
ADAM SAID *I LOVE YOU* TO ME FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT!!!!!
ahhh, it was soooo adorably cute, i almost fell over, he's so sweet and cute and fucking awesome. he was so nervous and looked so freakin cute, and i knew it was coming, because he kept saying he wanted to say something, but he was really scared, so i had major little butterflies. he's so perfect :)
I'm getting suspended from Wawa for 2 days next week. grrrrr, and my boss wants to talk to me...i dont want to talk to her. im embarassed im getting suspended, thats almost worse than being fired! but then again it gives me 2 extra days off...oh well, it was my own stupid mistake...and im not the 1st person who did this, so....but i dont think the other people got suspended for it, grrr.
|
|
|
[30 Aug 2004|04:07pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 crazy |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
yellowcard ~ only one |
] |
everyone went back to school today :( so sad. makes me want to go back. grrrr, i wish i was back in school, i feel so unproductive. i dont miss alot of the people, bc most of them are fuckin assholes, but the ones that i do miss are definately worth spending a whole day with a bunch of fuckers. grrr.
i maybe could get fired from Wawa. eeeks. bc i accidently sold tobacco to a stupid underage guy who looked like he was 22, mother fucker. stupid me. i shouldve asked for his ID. grr to me. but the kid walked out and this lady comes up to me and was like 'you just sold tobacco to and underage male' and i was like, FUCK. i almost cried. she kept telling me i wasnt in trouble and i was like, how am i not?!?! i dont get fined or anything, but my boss wrote a note on this white board in our break room about people who arent carding people will get fired, so i have a nice chance or getting fired.
gr. adam left a hickey on my neck, well 2 actually, and customers at Wawa yelled at me about it. grr, pissed me off. some guy told me it was very unprofessional, im sorry, im only 18 and i work at wawa, im not 30 and working at some big hot shot company. and yea, im sure its offensive to some people, but its not like i asked my boyfriend to put it there, its ok that he did, but i tried to cover it up as much as i could, i wasnt trying to flaunt it around. oh well.
i adore my boyfriend, he's lovely :) such a cute little fella.
|
|
|
[16 Aug 2004|12:25pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 scared |
] |
Megan, my nana, and i were all at walmart on saturday and we saw a bad accident :( it was right across the street from walmart, with a car of 4 little old ladys, and a van with some younger kids in it. it was really depressing and terrible and it made me think..... i hated driving before i saw the accident but now i really dont want to, stuff like that really scares me, people dying, and people hurt, that really...i dont know, i cant handle it. if i was to ever get into an accident and hurt someone really badly from it, i dont know how id live with myself, or if i was driving around one of my family members like my little sister, and got into an accident and she died, like, i wouldnt be able to live, i would never be able to move on from it. i watch too many terrifying movies where people get hurt from random things, or from people and killers, and it always makes me think like, wow, what if that happened to someone i loved, and i just cant take it, i hate it. its not fair, i dont see why people have to get hurt.
my little brother was hit by a car when he was 6, he had just turned 6 two months earlier, and it was in a parking lot, people are supposed to drive slow in parking lots, i was there too, with my little 3 year old sister, and we were inside a store when it happened and we didnt realize he went outside back to my dads car, and he got hit, and my dad saw it all, like, thats not fair, thats unreal, my little brother wasnt supposed to ever walk again.... i dont think i could ever have children, because if something like that happened to me and i saw my little boy get hit by a car, i would be totally beside myself, that would totally break my heart and i would feel responsible. if my brother had been 6 inches closer, he wouldve died too, i dunno, thats not right. he was a little 6 year old boy, if he wouldve died when he was *6*.....thats not fair, little kids shouldnt be allowed to die, nobody should be allowed to die, people should be able to live forever and never get hurt or feel pain
|
|
| with you i fall so fast |
[14 Aug 2004|12:52pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 jealous |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Sugarcult ~ pretty girl |
] |
*scowls* grrr, why does everything have to be so complicated and confusing. i take everything the wrong way, no matter what it is, stupid little things offend me and annoy me, and i really wish they didnt. i try not to let the little stupid things get to me, or not take things people say to me the wrong way...it just happens. someone could jokingly make fun of me, and most of the time, i wont take it as a joke, i'll get upset about it. oh well...i dont even know why i brought this up, i guess im just in a sad kinda mood today. and it always seems that the days im sad or upset, nobody is around to talk to.
man, gas prices suck! i hate gas, why dont cars run on dirt, there is plenty of dirt in the world to make cars run, my car is filthy right now, i could have it going for months with all the freakin dirt on and in my car. but seriously, it pisses me off that the prices are so high, i spend so much money a week on gas, its ridiculous. speaking of cars and gas, my car is acting all stupid lately, its such a little slut. it never works right, theres always something wrong with it, grrrrr.
|
|
|
[11 Aug 2004|09:45pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
anxious |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
bad religion ~ gods love |
] |
wow...this is so uncool...i got a little thing of ben and jerrys ice cream last night, it was cookie dough, and there was like 4 chunks of cookie dough in it..im not even kidding, how wrong is that?! im disapointed in ben & jerry, im boycotting them now, grrrrr.
hooray for me!!! ive been drug free for over a month now! :) it'll be a month and a week on friday! go me, im actually really surprised at it, wasnt expecting it, ha, i have will power! right on.
adam is very very adorable, he got me 2 cherry tootsie pops and a blue icee today :D i was excited! i love the cherry toostie pops....but i accidently left them at work :( makes me sad, bc now i really want one, ha. i think that kid is so freaking amazing, i cant even describe him in words, he's like a little piece of the coolest heaven
im such a dork :)
|
|
|
[10 Aug 2004|12:44pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 aggravated |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
yellowcard ~ way away |
] |
man, im in such a shitty ass mood. grrrrrrrr. people piss me the fuck off.
i had a crazy ass dream last night, i dreamt that i was on a date with <3adam, and he ditched me right at the beginning for a bunch of slutty girls, so i was wandering around alone bc i didnt drive, and all of the sudden, some crazy man started chasing after me trying to hurt me, and i was running around like a crazy little person trying to get away, and i ran by adam a good *5* times and he completely ignored me, grrr. it was an interesting dream, i woke up before the person got me too, so...
im supposed to be donating blood on thursday!! EEEK! im scared, ive never done it before...i have plenty of piercings and tattoos, but im still afraid of needles, i dont know how! the only time ive had blood taken, was when i was in the emergency room, the ambulance ride there, and when i was in the hospital for a week, they took atleast half of my freaking blood, my gosh, but i was half asleep each time they did it, so i didnt care.
|
|
|
[07 Aug 2004|03:09pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
amused |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
the ataris ~ in this diary |
] |
ahhh, warped tour was awesome :) i loved it, new found glory and yellowcard were so fucking awesome. bad religion, nofx, sugarcult, and story of the year were great too. but yellowcard and new found glory were by far my favorite. Coheed and cambria were pretty good too, i didnt see them play, i just listened from some of the little stands, but i liked them. i got a freakin full powerade bottle thrown at my head tho, it cut my forehead and i have a bump now, ha, that fuckin hurt so much, i lost my one shoe for like 3 hours too, but mike found it for me later on, so i was happy :) i also got kicked in the face 2x. i got lots of lovely little things tho, i got a pair of pink vans slippers to wear while i was missing my one shoe, i got 4 cds, a little wristband thing, a freakin hot as shit white and pink vans hat, and 2 little sugarcult guitar pics, but i gave one to adam :) awww, but i loved when yellowcard sang 'only one' it sounded so freaking adorably pretty, man, that totally made my whole night, i totally fell in love with that. :)
awwww, and adam was so adorable yesterday, he looked so cute all sweaty after he saw his bands play, and he was all excited about it, it was adorable and sweet. after we left warped tour we went to eat, and then adam and i layed out in the grass at my sisters apartment until i had to take him home. ha, i felt like such the guy, taking my date home :) oh well, but he was veerrrry cute when we were laying out in the grass, and i didnt want to take him home :( i wanted to keep him for a little longer and hug him a little more. he's done being grounded in like 2 weeks, so...that kid is so perfect tho, my gosh, i like him so bad. sooooo cute! :)
|
|
| i dont know whats worth fighting for, or why i have to scream |
[01 Aug 2004|12:37pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 indescribable |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
linkin park ~ breaking the habit |
] |
so my nose is pierced now. its very cute if i do say so myself, just adorable :) its so tiny and sweet, it hurts a little bit tho :( but oh well, all piercings hurt for some time after theyre done.
im sort of annoyed right now....because it seems that my sister is the only one who knows how to open her mouth and defend me when people are being assholes and talking about me. which really ticks me off, because if i mean anything to certain other people you'd think theyd tell someone to shut up, rather than sit there for 5 minutes and let this person talk about me to them. bitches! GR. seriously, one of my biggest annoyances is people talking shit on me, i hate it, its childish and stupid. if someone cant say it to my face or dont want me to know what they were saying, then they shouldnt even bother opening their mouth at all. fuckers.
adam is allowed to go to warped tour now, but he has to be grounded for *1* extra week now.....so basically 3 weeks is starting all over again today. joy....and then when that 3 weeks is finally up, he'll be starting school in like a week, which sucks, because then i probably wont see him alot, not that i even do now, but i'll see him less, because of school, and work, and him being with his friends and shit. oh well.
i dont want to go to work at all :( i hate my job. the only perk is seeing adam every once in a while, and i get nervous when i work with him anyways, so basically its not a perk....i like working with my sister though, even tho we hardly ever do, those assholes who do the schedule, gr. i have tons of applications at home that i need to finish filling out and take places. i cant imagine any place would be hiring right now tho :( but seriously, the thought of going to work tonight makes me want to cry....im so annoyed and all i wanna do is find someone to give me a hug and hold me while i cry :(
i hate opening up to people, hate it hate it hate it! i always want to....but normally the people i actually do open up to, arent the right ones.... i dont like telling people something important to me, and have them brush it off, or give me a weird look. its not cool. because there are PLENTY of things i would really like to tell adam, but i cant, because i dont know how he would react, and im guessing it wouldnt be a good reaction. he's a great guy and oh so perfect and so freaking awesome, but i think there are a few things i could say that would make him be like, oh....um ok...and have him think its weird or stupid or that he just wouldnt want to know...
he's so cute tho :( and i cant see his adorable cuteness for 3 more weeks :( so basically over half the time we're gonna be dating, i wont be able to see him. grrrr. sucks sucks sucks. i really like seeing him, and i like talking to him, he says such adorable things, and when he slept over at my sisters apartment he was all over me all night long and it was the cutest thing ever, i was all like, ahhhhhh this kid cant get anymore perfect or he wont be real. but i dunno, i really like everything about him, he's just really different, he's like one of those guys that girls always wish they could meet or find, and its crazy, you dont think guys like him exhist, and obviously they do. and it always makes me wonder...like, how in the freaking world did i end up with such an amazing guy...honestly, like what did i ever do that would make me deserve or be able to get someone like him...it baffles me.
|
|
| i like your smile i dont wanna see you cry.... |
[29 Jul 2004|11:16pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
content |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Metallica ~ nothing else matters |
] |
my boyfriend is sooooooo cute in every way possible. that kid, wow, his eyes, WOW, i dunno, i cant stop going on about how amazing his eyes are, seriously, they are fuckin beautiful. i got to see him tonight for a tiny bit after he was done work, i was the cool girlfriend and showed up at his work when he was getting done bc he's adorable and i wanted a kiss! :) id seen him earlier at wawa but i wasnt able to kiss or touch him, and i really wanted to, so i went back :) he looks so fuckin hott in his wawa uniform. i like him alot, he's fantastic. 3 weeks is a long fricken time tho, it hasnt even been a week yet and already im bummed. the only time im gonna get to see him is if we work together or if i go see him at work, which blows, bc i feel like a major dork when i go see him at work. i went in today wearing a little sundress thinger and i felt like a complete loser, i was like, ahhhh why did i wear this.
i went to a new shrink tonight, and she's putting me on two different medicine, kinda sucks, i feel embarassed. she said i may be bipolar. i dont know what to think...
im getting my nose pierced tomorrow, wooo hoo! :) im excited, i have to wear a little band aid over my nose at work tho, which seems silly, but whatev. or i might get my eye brow done, who knows
|
|
|
[28 Jul 2004|12:23pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
drained |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Bush ~ comedown |
] |
it's kinda crazy seeing everyone's sr. class pictures lately. makes me really bummed. I'll never have that, nobody will ever be able to look in the yearbook for my sr. year and see my picture. kinda sucks. big time. nobody can look in the yearbook and be like, oh hey i remember her, she was always quiet, or oh hey i hated her she was a bitch. not that id ever want someone to say i was a bitch, but hey....seeing everyones pictures makes me really wish id never gimped out on school last year. i sometimes wish i hadnt made the choices i did, everything would be different now tho...maybe they would be different for the better though...but i'll never know that...i dunno, maybe i wasnt supposed to be at boyertown,. maybe something bad would've happened my sr. year...i dunno, can't make that judgement. but i miss real school, i miss seeing everyone all the time, and i miss some of my funner classes, and a few teachers. i even miss hating people. grrr. but i cant go back...id be too embarassed, i wouldnt know what people would think, i just sorta disapeared in the middle of the school year last year...then ashley went around making all these fuckin rumors about me. she basically told everyone a bunch of bullshit. but im bummed, i dont get my sr. class trip, or my prom, or my class picture, nothing nothing nothing. sucks :(
|
|
| navigation |
| [ |
viewing |
| |
most recent entries |
] |
| [ |
go |
| |
earlier |
] |
|
|
|
|
![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small}
strawberykissez's journal
sleepy